Luke's ordeal

Yesterday, we went to the hospital for Luke's routine derma check up for his eczema. But aside from this, we also went there to see an opthalmologist and find out if there is really something wrong with his eyes.

Ever since he was small, we already noticed that his eyes' reference position is not the same, though they move in equal pace and in the same direction. By reference position, I mean that when one eye is in the middle, the other is more on the side (not far side though). You'll notice this unusual thing with his eyes only if you take a closer and winkless stare at him.

When we consulted our pedia many months ago, he told us not to worry at that time because Luke was still very small, and his eyes will probably be "normal" when he grows a little more, say, when he turns a year old.

He's more than one year old now, and his eyes are still the same as before. We went to another pedia and he said that probably, his eyes reflex against light could have been causing this unusual position of his eyes. So, to the opthal we went.

Yesterday's test was quick and easy. That is, according to the doctor. It took only about five minutes. But hearing my son's screaming and crying on top of his lungs made that five minutes like five hours to me. My heart was beating fast in the fear of not knowing what they were doing to him, coz we were made to stay outside. I almost cried with him. As a mother, I figured that Luke's screaming was due to three reasons: first, he had just fallen asleep, and doing the test to him cut short his much-needed sleep; second, when he opened his eyes, he did not see me but the doctors and assistants who are all strangers to him; and last, he doesn't want any of those things that those strangers were doing to him. It seemed like an ordeal to him. Yeah, it was. The instance he saw me (when the staff gave him back to me), he stopped yelling, but still whimpering, with face red and glistening with tears. He's all sweat too and really looked tired from crying.

Good thing is that the test showed no abnormal thing with his eyes, although there will be more tests to be done (next month). This means more crying and screaming! And sobbing and sweating hard, too! Oh, what shall I do? Shall I still subject my son to this kind of ordeal? Will he survive the tests which are all aliens to him.

Ahh, my heart breaks as I think of it. :((